‘Eli’ suffers from identity crisis (2/5)

Book of Eli

Starring: Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Mila Kunis
Directed by: Albert and Allen Hughes
Rating: R for some brutal violence and language.
Running time: 1 hour, 58 minutes.

Wow. What an awful way to kick off the 2010 film season.

I’ll admit, I’m a bit of a sci-fi geek at heart. Post-apocalyptic worlds, mythological beings and a darn good, complex story line just call out to me.

So where “Book of Eli” went so horribly, tragically wrong was when it decided to masquerade as an action flick. If it had learned to accept itself as a drama, this could have been a tolerable film. Instead, they try to mask the lack of any real depth with a lot of bullets.

The real shocker is how this superficial of a movie drew in A-listers like Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman and Michael Gambon.

Maybe they’re short for cash like the rest of us.

Washington stars as Eli, a dude who sure likes walking. Well, he’d better like it, because he’s been walking for 30 years, since the end of the ever-hinted-at war.

He’s headed West across a dreary desert landscape to deliver a book.

He travels alone and doesn’t let much get in his way of trudging along. He survives on whatever animal meat he can find (including the wandering cat) and the rare find of drinkable water.

Eli eventually finds his way to a small town along his route. He stops, hoping to repair some of his electronic accoutrements and barter for water. But after a fight scene with a biker gang and their leader (who reminded me oh-so-much of the Geico caveman), Eli draws the attention of Carnegie (Gary Oldman), an intelligent, older gentlemen who runs the joint.

Carnegie has a crew of illiterate flunkies who are on the constant task of finding “the book.”

It’s soon revealed that “the book” is in fact the Bible (the last Bible), and Carnegie plans to control the world with it (because, why not?).

And, lo and behold, Eli’s book is suspiciously similar to the sought-after tome ...

Bringing up the supporting cast is Mila Kunis as Solara, Carnegie’s stepdaughter, and Ray Stevenson as Redridge, Carnegie’s right-hand man.

I love them both, but not in this.

Mila Kunis, I can never take you seriously. You’re Jackie from “That ’70s Show” and I’m afraid it will stay that way for a very long time.

And Ray Stevenson, what happened? You were my idol as Titus Pullo in the TV series “Rome,” and now this?

The only reason to watch this film is for the actors and one admittedly awesome gunfight sequence. But what made that one scene so exhilarating was the fact that it didn’t allow Eli to simply flick the assailants away like flies. However, these are simply not enough cause to watch the movie.

The weak plot lends itself to many questions. Like where on Earth was Eli walking from that it took him 30 years to get to the California area?

And how did Carnegie know there was a Bible left?

And why is this guy in charge, anyway? Because he can read? Because he’s old? He doesn’t seem very intimidating to me (sorry, Gary), and if I were one of his lackeys I don’t see much stopping me from shooting him and taking over myself.

I don’t think I will ever accept a fight sequence where one guy takes on a large group and prevails without a scratch. Especially when chainsaws and guns are involved. So rather than trying to make the audience believe what’s happening, the Hughes Brothers decide to go for the sheer entertainment value.

Problem is, it’s only mildly entertaining.

But who cares about all of these loose ends, right? It’s an action flick, after all.

Had the Hughes Brothers taken “Book of Eli” on a different path, it could have been an extraordinary success. But concentrating on fight sequences over actual storyline won’t win over many fans.

Interesting that a film devoted to the Bible lacks any real soul.

2 of 5 stars