‘Predators’ fun; script ‘horrific’ (3/5)

Predators

Starring: Adrian Brody, Topher Grace, Alice Braga
Directed by: Nimród Antal
Rating: R
Running time: 1 hour, 46 minutes.

When the director’s name is Nimród, maybe your expectations shouldn’t be too high.

Nimród Antal directs “Predators,” a sequel of sorts to the late ’80s, early ’90s franchise that kicked off with Arnold Schwarzenegger as his typical self being hunted by tall, ugly, dread-head aliens with superior weaponry and camouflage that would fluster a chameleon.

This time, instead of the Predators coming to Earth, a motley crew of battle-hardened soldiers, a death row inmate and a doctor are dropped onto an alien planet.

Handily, they’re all dropped with weapons intact.

The group glues itself to Royce (Adrien Brody), the tough ex-Black Op agent with the giant gun. Before long, Royce determines that the planet they’re on is a game preserve, and they’re the ones being hunted.

But it’s Isabelle (Alice Braga), the sole female representative, who realizes that they’ve been chosen because they are the “monsters” of Earth and are themselves predators, hunting other people and showing little humanity.

“Predators” is pretty solid entertainment, especially if you’re into action flicks. But if you’re looking for anything that even faintly resembles a decent attempt at characterization, this isn’t for you.

Predictably, the group is whittled down one by one. Also predictably, you don’t find yourself caring about the character’s deaths much, only waiting for the next one to occur.

The sense of isolation and despair the movie tries to get across is hampered by this lack of attachment to the characters. What personally kept me invested was the hope that every moment may be the last for the inmate Stans (Walton Goggins), who was probably thrown in for comedic effect but came across as simply shallow and obnoxious instead. And Hanzo, the Japanese Yakuza assassin, was overwhelmingly pointless save for a hokey sword duel.

Although I am an enormous Adrien Brody fan, I wish he’d stick with the more mental spectrum of films. The thought of Brody conjures up images of a thin, pale actor, not a muscular action man.
Though lately he’s been trying to change his image, as seen in his interest in playing the Joker in “The Dark Knight” and through his role in the science fiction “Splice.”
Anyway, back to “Predators,” the plotline itself is relatively interesting but the script is just horrific. As I mentioned earlier, “Predators” was made for entertainment, not to change anyone’s life.

Arguably the most engaging character is Noland, the certifiably crazy former U.S. Air Cavalry soldier, played by Laurence Fishburne. Schizophrenia and paranoia at their best.

Another notable performance is Topher Grace (Eric Forman of “That ’70s Show”) as the doc, Edwin. You’ll question this character’s reason for existence all the way to the end, and maybe even beyond it. Despite that, Edwin gives the comedic aspect somehow lacking in Stans’ role.

The Predators themselves are fun to watch and very reminiscent of the originals. There’s also a money shot of a Predator tearing out a man’s spine and skull (it’s rated R for a reason). They look cool and kick some serious butt. Not to mention their Grade A weaponry and camouflage.

Overall I’d say the Predators remain in contention for the top of seriously awesome movie monsters. Whether Hollywood can figure out how to surround these hunters with worthy prey is another matter.

• • •

Although “Inception” comes out tomorrow, it has already been getting some rave reviews. There’s a lot of hype surrounding this movie, and while I normally try to ignore that, the latest Christopher Nolan flick may actually live up to it. Are you going to see “Inception?” Send your thoughts on it to rcrofut@fltimes.com by next Tuesday and look for my review in next week’s JumpStart.

3 of 5 stars

‘Daybreakers’ definitely not for the squeamish (2.5/5)

Daybreakers

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Sam Neill, Michael Dorman
Directed by: Michael and Peter Spierig
Rating: R for strong, bloody violence, language and nudity.
Running time: 1 hour, 38 minutes.

If you’re into gore (and I mean of the head-bursting, artery-gushing, limb-tearing, blood-everywhere variety), then “Daybreakers” may be for you.

Not that the latest from the Spierig brothers is absolutely overrun with appetite-killing sequences (for the most part), but what there is of them will make those weak at stomach wish for a more tame flick — and a bucket.

“Daybreakers” has a pretty strong and interesting premise. In 2019, a disease pandemic has transformed most humans into vampires (the technicalities of this are, oddly, left fairly vague, leaving it up to the audience to simply go with it). As these vampires used to be human, their worlds and social systems remain largely familiar to us.

Less than 5 percent of the human population — the main food source for the vampires — remains, and the vampires face a total deprivation.

When left without blood for long periods, the vampires turn into “subsiders” that resemble the bat-like, degenerate, wild creatures featured in many horror films.

Ethan Hawke (“Staten Island,” “Lord of War,” “Snow Falling on Cedars”) stars as Edward Dalton, lead hematologist at blood production company Bromley Marks run by Charles Bromley (Sam Neill, who will forever remain to me as Dr. Grant from “Jurassic Park”). Edward is tasked with finding a blood substitute to amend for the loss of humans.

Although Edward works for a company that hunts and “farms” humans, he refuses to drink human blood himself and offers to aid the stray human he comes across; however, Edward’s brother, Frankie (Michael Dorman), is a human hunter who doesn’t understand his brother’s unvampiric ways.

Edward is sought out by Lionel “Elvis” Cormac (a traditionally salty Willem Dafoe) who has discovered something better than a simple blood substitute — he has discovered a cure for vampirism.

The plot itself is freshly exciting and holds undertones of our country’s oil dependency. And the scenes that demonstrated the vampire’s seamless maintenance of our current necessities and enjoyments are wonderful and engaging.

I really loved the idea of this movie, and for the first half, it seemed like the directors did, too. But then they decide that having a good plot wasn’t adequate — they needed to show the audience exactly how much blood is in the human body and how crazy of a mess it can leave when it’s all over the place. In the meantime, they completely forget everything that made the first half an actual decent movie.

Other than the disease’s origin, another overlooked plot point is how the vampires initially took to killing and, in a sense, eating humans. After all, they had been humans, too. Edward’s attitudes hint at this type of remorse, but there’s hardly any philosophical undertones akin to Louis’ in “Interview with the Vampire.”

“Daybreakers” is a promising movie that sadly devolves into a typical gore fest. It’s good for cheap thrills and quick entertainment, but doesn’t hold much lasting potential.

2.5 of 5 stars

Puzzling, cliché ‘Legion’ a letdown (1.5/5)

Legion

Starring: Paul Bettany, Lucas Black, Adrianne Palicki
Directed by: Scott Stewart
Rating: R for strong, bloody violence and language.
Running time: 1 hour, 40 minutes.

“Legion” is one of the biggest disappointments this year — and that’s saying a lot.

From undeveloped characters to a predictable plot and plain bad scriptwriting, “Legion” fast became its own worst enemy.

This Scott Stewart film just couldn’t decide what it wanted to be. A horror? A drama? A thought-provoking look into human nature? A mess?

Well, it got that last one right.

I’m all for fresh writers in the caught-on-repeat Hollywood scene, but maybe Stewart’s and fellow co-writer Peter Schink’s untested writing abilities are partly to blame.

Idealistically, fresh writers bring fresh ideas. But too often, they end up falling back on awful movie clichés.

The moment any movie character threatens “the child,” I know there’s no recovery. Unfortunately for “Legion,” that’s pretty much how it opens.

Predictably, it’s all downhill from there.

It’s got an interesting premise. God is fed up with humanity, and so he sends his angels to eliminate the lying, greedy, selfish homo sapiens.

But Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany, who by himself is one of the few reasons to watch this movie) believes that God has it all wrong and that he just needs a little persuasion to see how awesome people really are. In the meantime, he must protect an unborn child from certain death at the hands of the angels.

A rundown, isolated desert diner — aptly named “Paradise Falls” — is the unlikely location for the standoff between Michael and God’s right-hand angel, Gabriel (Kevin Durand, who was incredible as the baddie in “Lost” but just lacks any depth here).

The diner is owned by Bob Hanson (Dennis Quaid, who must have been hard up for work) and his son, Jeep Hanson (a flat-as-a-pancake Lucas Black). Yes, his name is Jeep. That ought to tell you something about this film right there.

Jeep is smitten with the very pregnant and adoption-minded Charlie (Adrianne Palicki), who is staying with the father and son duo and helping out at the diner.

After Michael comes and informs Charlie that her unborn child will somehow save the world, the diner is put into lockdown (helped along with the atmospheric loss of power). The group faces several unearthly “creatures” that come to kill them, including a matronly grandmother figure who spider-crawls up the walls and the local ice cream truck driver whose jaw is bigger than John Kerry’s.

Other than the Hansons, Charlie and Michael, there are a handful of other diner fighters. But, frankly, they’re hardly worth mentioning. Except to note that there is really no reason for Audrey to exist much less to dress in the most revealing clothes that side of the Mississippi.

“Legion” is full of unanswered questions that are more the result of writers block or shoddy planning than the mayhaps hoped-for intention of intellectual design.

For one, if God wanted everyone dead, why did he have to use subterfuge to accomplish it? How do guns kill angels? And what happens to the angels when they “die?” And why couldn’t the angels enter the diner? And what happened to everyone outside the diner? And why do the angels act more like hellbound demons than messengers from God? And why did I watch this movie again?

“Legion” fails at everything it tries to accomplish. It’s not scary (and I am quite possibly the easiest person in the world to scare), it’s not insightful and it’s not interesting. Jeep, presumably the main character, has absolutely no development, an IQ of perhaps 20, and is quite frankly very obnoxious.

The ending worries me a little. Stewart and co. clearly left “Legion” open for a sequel. I’ll consider recommending Stewart to sainthood if he doesn’t try to push through a “Legion II.”

1.5 of 5 stars

‘Toy Story 3’: Pixar wins again (4.5/5)

Toy Story 3

Starring: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack
Directed by: Lee Unkrich
Rating: G
Running time: 1 hour, 43 minutes

Be prepared to be taken “to infinity and beyond” once again.

Pixar has pulled off the impossible: Meeting (and exceeding) the challenge of concluding a beloved storyline.

I have no shame in admitting that I was heavily skeptical going into the latest Pixar production. I wondered how the minds behind such groundbreaking and adored films as “Toy Story,” “A Bug’s Life,” “Monsters, Inc.,” “Finding Nemo,” “The Incredibles,” “Cars,” “Ratatouille,” “Wall•E” and “Up” could excuse this apparent slip of creativity.

But I am exorbitantly happy to say that in no way is “Toy Story 3” a mistake.

Many “kids” my age feel a certain ownership over Andy’s toys. (After all, I was only 9 when “Toy Story” came out in 1995!) Woody, Buzz and the gang were as much a part of our childhoods as they were his.

And in a hugely unanticipated way, this sense of investment is exactly what makes “Toy Story 3” spectacular.

While Andy is preparing to leave for college, he faces the heart-wrenching decision of what to do with his old toys. Through a series of mistakes and misunderstandings, rather than ending up in the attic, the whole gang finds themselves at Sunnyside Day Care.

There they are taken under the wing of Lots-O’-Huggin’ Bear (who is animated so wonderfully you just want to pick him out of the screen and squeeze him). Lots-O’ turns the toys’ feelings of abandonment into joy as he explains that at the day care, they will always be played with and never be outgrown.

The ever-loyal Woody (Tom Hanks) insists that they belong to Andy and that it was a mistake that brought them to Sunnyside, but the other toys quickly fall in love with their new surroundings.

Woody sets out on his own to return to Andy and runs into a handful of others who inform him that Sunnyside is no place for a toy, a fact that Buzz (Tim Allen), Jessie, Hamm, Rex, Slinky Dog, the Potato Heads and the rest soon discover.

“Toy Story 3” is full of hilarious antics, from Barbie and Ken to Buzz’s Spanish mode and the aliens’ continuing obsession with “the claw.” The script is wonderfully clever and overflowing with quotable lines. Director Lee Unkrich walks the fine line between heartwarming and corny with ease, never for a moment slipping into the “groan zone.”

Having watched (thousands of times) and loved the first two “Toy Stories” only made the third that much more meaningful. I felt a real connection with Andy’s poignant decision that transformed “Toy Story 3” from just another installment into a bittersweet conclusion (be sure to take some tissues; I certainly needed them).

Although this movie is absolutely appropriate for all ages and should be enjoyed by those 2 to 102, timid children may be frightened by a few of the new characters (namely a freaky baby doll and a terrifying cymbal monkey).

The 3-D aspect is a nice complement to the latest adventure (save the obnoxious glasses) and ties in nicely with the always impeccable animation of which Pixar is constantly capable. But if you have to wait for the film to come out on DVD, the loss of 3-D will not impede on this incredible film in the slightest.

Pixar has absolutely outdone itself again. “Toy Story 3” is a wonderful sendoff for our small, plastic friends and a loving gift from Pixar to its loyal audience. From beautiful animation to a captivating story, “Toy Story 3” is superb from beginning to end and is a lesson in the magic of moviemaking.

4.5 of 5 stars

‘A-Team’ better than expected (3.5/5)

The A-Team

Starring: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Quinton Jackson, Sharlto Copley
Directed by: Joe Carnahan
Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence throughout, language and smoking.
Running time: 1 hour, 57 minutes.

“The A-Team” was actually pretty exciting.

But that’s what you get for going in with low expectations.

I never watched the old TV show, but I know a lot of people who have, and, therefore, I know a lot of people who were dreading this movie.

Maybe you just need a clear perspective. Or, maybe, it simply wasn’t that bad.

Part of what makes “The A-Team” so watchable is the characters. Each member of the team is awesome in his own respects and brings his own charm to the screen.

Heading the crew is the aging but able John “Hannibal” Smith (Liam Neeson). Sadly, it’s difficult to watch Neeson without turning your thoughts to the tragic loss of his wife, Natasha Richardson, last March. But Neeson pulls through as the glue holding the team together.

Next is the handsome, winning Templeton “Faceman” Peck (Bradley Cooper), known more simply as “Face.” You may recognize Cooper as the devil-may-care leader of “The Hangover” gang.

The rough and tough B.A. “Bad Attitude” Baracus (Quinton Jackson), and his over-the-top fear of flying, adds his own spice to the group. The UFC-fighting Jackson is certainly no Mr. T, but he’ll do.
(Spoiler alert: “Pity the fool” was never uttered, though B.A. did make it a point to call just about anything a “fool.”)

Rounding out the motley quartet is the certifiably insane helicopter pilot H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock (Sharlto Copley). Copley, who got his acting debut in last year’s “District 9,” is amazingly hilarious here. You’d never know he wasn’t a professional actor.

After a glimpse at the U.S. Army Special Forces team formation, you’re quickly ushered dozens of missions later to near-present-day Iraq.

Turns out some Saddam loyalists have gotten their hands on special plates that will allow them to counterfeit billions of dollars of U.S. currency.

The A-Team is ordered (covertly, of course) to get these plates before the loyalists can escape Baghdad with them.

But, inevitably, things go horribly, terribly wrong. And the members of the A-Team are framed for a crime they didn’t commit.

They also discover that the people truly responsible may be from their side of the Atlantic.

Complicating matters is the beautiful Captain Carissa Sosa (Jessica Biel), Face’s former girlfriend and a general subscriber to the “I blame the A-Team” philosophy,  the slippery CIA Agent Colonel Lynch (Patrick Wilson) and the shifty black operative leader Pike (Brian Bloom).

As Hannibal says, “Overkill is underrated,” a phrase that writer/director Joe Carnahan may have had taped over his glasses. Carnahan definitely went crazy with some of the action sequences, but they were all really, really fun to watch — take the thrilling plane shootout where the A-Team tries to escape with the aid of a tank falling thousands of feet from the air.

“The A-Team” is at its best during its lighthearted, humorous sequences. The few “tender” moments that there are (which are thankfully minimized) make you want to groan. Sorry, Jessica Biel, but Captain Sosa’s love affair with Face just never made a connection with me.

In my mere 23 years, I’ve noticed that America has quite the obsession with tales of government corruption and rogue vigilantes. Let us hope that no such heroics are needed. If they are, we can always call in the A-Team.

3.5 of 5 stars

‘Men Who Stare’ worth a look (3.5/5)

The Men Who Stare At Goats

Starring: George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges and Goat
Directed by: Grant Heslov
Rating: R for language, some drug content and brief nudity.
Running time: 1 hour, 34 minutes.

I’m a little behind on this one, but I swear, I’ve wanted to see “The Men Who Stare at Goats” since its November release.

I didn’t really know what to expect — something offbeat and quirky, certainly (I mean, just look at that title).

But perhaps the most shocking part for me is that it’s based in fact.

Obviously, I can’t vouch for the accuracy. But just the simple idea that any of this film is based in reality walks a fine line between hilarious and just plain scary.

Ewan McGregor stars as reporter Bob Wilton who is searching for the story that will make his career, and therefore his life, worthwhile.

But when Bob comes across Lyn Cassady (a prime George Clooney), he trips into something unexpected and unbelievable.

Lyn is part of a covert U.S. Army Special Forces operation (the “New Earth Army”) that trains psychic spies in an effort to fight wars with alternative combat tactics — or with the least amount of violence possible.

Among the force’s talents are “cloud bursting,” “remote viewing,” invisibility and the old stand-by, walking through walls (which is hilariously depicted at the very beginning and ending of the film).

Lyn also demonstrates the hilarious “star gazing” to Bob, a move that would make me severely uncomfortable to be riding in any kind of vehicle with Lyn behind the wheel.

During Lyn’s training, the New Earth Army is headed by Vietnam veteran Bill Django (a wonderful Jeff Bridges), a stereotypical “peace, love and long braids” hippie. Django hopes to be the “first superpower to create superpowers.”

Lyn’s aptitude causes a rivalry with fellow recruit Larry Hooper (Kevin Spacey), who attacks Lyn with a “death touch” (the scare behind the death touch is that it can take you out at any time — even 18 years later!)

Despite Larry Hooper, the New Earth Army is mostly a force of good, even calling themselves the Jedi (highly appropriate since Ewan McGregor played Obi-Wan Kenobi in the most recent three “Star Wars” films).

So when Lyn is taken to the Goat Lab, he finds himself at a fork.

The goats are the Army’s test subjects — atomic bombs, field dressings, wounds, etc. So when the Army wants to see what the New Earth Army can bring to the table, Lyn, being the top of the class, is taken to the lab.

His mission? To cause the goat’s heart to stop simply by staring at it.

“What had that goat ever done to me? It’s completely against the way of the Jedi,” Lyn says. “But some dark part of me wanted to see if I could do it.”

“The Men Who Stare At Goats” is one of those films that gives you faith in humanity. It sees the weirdness going on in the world and is a lens for laughter. A film like “Goats” could quickly turn conspiratorial or melodramatic, but instead leads you down the path of self-discovery, hope and enlightenment.

“Goats” encourages fresh possibilities and thinking outside the box. It examines the scope of human potential and the reach of the mind. As Lyn says to Bob Wilton, “Find out what your destiny is, and the river will carry you.”

Rather than being a criticism of the Army and of war, “Goats” is surprisingly upbeat and inspirational. It follows the stories of lost, confused men as they try to make a difference in their worlds and shows that unconventional methods can lead to lofty results.

“Goats” isn’t the best movie you’ll see, but it’ll make you laugh and may just leave you feeling a little light-hearted (and who couldn’t use that these days?).

If you rent the DVD, be sure to check out the special featurette “Psychic Spies” to get the “true” account of the New Earth Army.

3.5 of 5 stars

Gilliam stretches ‘Imaginarium’ (3/5)

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Starring: Heath Ledger, Christopher Plummer, Lily Cole
Directed by: Terry Gilliam
Rating: PG-13 for violent images, some sensuality, language and smoking.
Running time: 2 hours, 3 minutes.

Terry Gilliam does not make things easy for his audience (“Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,” anyone?). You have to work at watching his films. “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” is no different.

Gilliam’s visionary scope is at its best here. But when the burden of accessibility is put on the viewer, the visual splendor can be overlooked.

“Parnassus” is the kind of film that may require multiple viewings. But with an over-two-hour running time, if it doesn’t grab you the first time, you won’t feel motivated to watch it again.

The title character, Doctor Parnassus (Christopher Plummer), has made a deal with the devil, Mr. Nick (musician Tom Waits). The contract? Immortality for the ownership of any child Parnassus sires at the child’s 16th birthday. Unlucky Valentina (a wonderful Lily Cole) becomes the object of attention as her fateful age draws near.

Parnassus and Valentina are part of a traveling troupe that encourages story and the use of imagination (with the help of a very special mirror). Completing their motley ensemble is the youthful Anton (Andrew Garfield) and the impertinent Percy (a hilarious Verne Troyer).

After another unsuccessful venture into the depths of London, the group comes upon a man hanging from a bridge and rescues him. It is Tony (Heath Ledger), a man claiming amnesia but who is actually harboring a dark past. Much to Anton’s dismay, Tony and Valentina are quickly drawn to each other and Tony joins Parnassus’ traveling troupe, promising bigger audiences and a richer payout.

Regretting his previous agreement, Parnassus agrees to a wager — if he can win over five souls to the power of good and imagination before Mr. Nick can claim five souls to impulse and want, Parnassus can win back the claim to his daughter.

Tony discovers that by inviting people into the mirror he can sway their decision toward Parnassus in the hopes of saving Valentina. Each trip into the mirror is a foray into another person’s very visual imagination and gives the audience a dip into Gilliam’s rich creativity.

Sadly, I don’t think “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” would have the same undercurrent of viewers without Heath Ledger’s tragic death in the midst of shooting the film. To account for the loss of Ledger, actors Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell agreed to each take on the role of Tony during the character’s trips into the mirror. The actors all pooled the money they made from “Parnassus” and donated it to Ledger’s young daughter, now 5-year-old Matilda.

“Parnassus” will entrance some and bore others. Though this film is desperately in need of a second viewing by its audience, I’m not sure I would watch it again. Gilliam’s movies require you to suspend all belief and allow yourself to be immersed in his vision. It’s hard to connect with a movie touting freedom of imagination when Gilliam’s is so overpowering. However, all of the actors’ performances are very worthy of watching (especially Ledger and Troyer). If you’re prepared to hang up your own mind for a time and allow Gilliam to take you over, “Parnassus” may just be a movie for you.

3 of 5 stars